Her Library, Her Love, Her Broken Heart
by just a liar
Summary: She's broken.And she knows she's too broken for someone to ever fix her.Well,for someone who isn't her to fix her.Angsty Brittana R
1. Heartbreak

Hey there :)

Another one-shot.

This one is Brittana but not fluffy at all.

I hope you like it :D

A/N: I do not own any of the characters used in this story. The characters are from the Glee series owned by Ryan Murphy and co-creators. The only thing I own are the ideas in this story. Femlash, girlxgirl, don´t like, don´t read.

* * *

Santana always wanted to be a writer, it was her "little big secret".

She kept a bunch of notebooks with stories and poems underneath her bed not even Brittany knew about.

She didn´t pursue her dream because she lacked... inspiration.

Even though she didn´t like tags, she had one perfect for her: Bookworm.

She was also secretly infatuated to books, she had a vast collection in her family´s library she used to name "my daddy´s _booooooring_ collection I would burn if I could".

But truthfully, if she didn´t have Cheerios, Glee Club or a hot make out session with Brittany, she would go there and spend her whole day reading Shakespeare, Stephen King, Pablo Neruda, Octavio Paz and many others. But mainly, she read Amado Nervo, her favorite.

And that, Brittany knew; she knew she spent her afternoons reading, fluently and absentmindedly, with no sexting or music on.

No. It was her, the dim candle light, and books.

They said Santana wasn´t romantic. They were all wrong.

When they were cuddling after a session of sweet lady kisses Brittany asked for just one thing, for Santana to recite a poem.

Santana always agreed, sometimes she recited Scene ll from Romeo and Juliet even though it wasn´t a poem.

Some other times she did Pablo Neruda with "If you forget me".

But the most repeated one was "Dos Palabras" by Alfonsa Storni.

Brittany always asked her what it meant, but Santana never dared to tell her.

Those days seemed so far away.

Brittana _was _on, the weak candle had finally been blowed out by both creators, now it was Bartie´s moment...

Now, Santana found herself in the Glee club biting her nails deciding if she would declare everything; she finally resolved she would.

-Mr. Sche, may I say something before you start class?- Santana asked firmly as she tried not to sound insecure

-Sure, please step up-

Santana gulped loudly, and tried to find her inner courage but mainly her voice as she heard whispers in the room.

How could she, Santana Lopez, be frozen in front of all these_ losers_? Even Rachel was surprised.

With a low voice she began her explanation.

-I am not what I say I am. I may pretend to be a stuck-up bitch, but I´m not. I act, I am mean, I ignore help and push others around. I am a bigger dreamer than Ber- I mean, Rachel time by time. I am a bigger womanizer than Puck some days. I am more insecure than Tina sometimes. I am the biggest in-closeted nerd of the school and I am sure as hell gayier than Kurt even though I hide it- Santana paused for air and glanced at some of the members of the club

Quinn was smiling proudly at her, Rachel was gaping like a fish, Puck was smirking knowlingly, and Brittany was shocked to say the least.

With a sigh, she continued her speech.

-I am afraid of being labeled. I am afraid of being mocked of. But mostly, I am afraid of falling inlove. Unfortunately or not, I have already done the last one. I am heartbroken, just to resume this shitty speech; just add 2 and 2 and you´ll know. The point is, I love her more than anything, more than poetry, more than singing, more than writing. And that´s why my main reason of saying all of this to you, is to recite something I wrote. It is in Spanish though, so Ms. Schue, would you be kind enough to translate it?- after recieving nod she finished -If you laugh, I swear I´ll go all Lima Heights Adjacent on your asses- the last sentence made everyone laugh and Santana took it as a cue to start her declaration.

_"Me gustas._

I like you.

_No, es más que eso._

No, it´s more than that.

_Te Amo_.

I love you.

_Es más que una amistad,_

It´s more than friendship,

_Palabras tan simples no pueden definir nuestra cercanía._

Simple words can´t describe our closeness.

_Se que la hemos perdido, y lo lamento._

I know we have lost it, and I´m sorry._  
_

_Lamento todo lo que te he hecho pasar_,

I´m sorry for everything I have put you through,

_Ni con mis disculpas más sinceras,_

Not even with my deepest apologizes,_  
_

_Ni con mis interminables 'Lo siento',_

Or my endless 'I´m sorry´s',_  
_

_Terminaré o borraré tu dolor._

Will I end or erase your pain.

_¿Te acuerdas de esas noches en las que poemas me pedías?_

Do you remember all those nights when you asked me to recite poems?_  
_

_A veces era Shakespeare, otras era Neruda._

Sometimes it was Shakespeare, others it was Neruda._  
_

_Pero mi favorito siempre fue el que nunca te explique._

But my favorite was always the one I didn´t explain._  
_

_Esta noche al oído me has dicho dos palabras  
_

_This night, you told by my ear two words_

_Comunes. Dos palabras cansadas  
_

Common words, tired_  
_

_De ser dichas. Palabras  
_

of being said. Words._  
_

_Que de viejas son nuevas. _

That of old they are young.

_Eso es todo._

That´s all.

_A veces con tan poco se dice mucho._

Sometimes with few things you say too much._  
_

_Y puede que eso no hallá sonado a un poema,_

And even though it may or not have sound like a poem,

_Recuerda que los poemas no tienen que rimar,_

Just remember that sometimes poems don´t rhyme,_  
_

_Solo tienen que decirte lo que no he podido explicar_

They just need to tell you what I haven´t explained to you.

_Siempre había querido ser escritora. _

I always wanted to be a writer.

_Y con tu partida,_

And with your departure,

_Además de mi mente destrozada,_

Besides my broken mind,

_Además de mi corazón roto,_

Besides my broken heart.

_Me dejaste con la inspiración que me faltaba._

You left me the inspiration I have been lacking of.

_Por ello, te agradezco._

For that, I thank you,

_Pero, por el resto, te maldigo._

But for the rest I curse you."

There was a minute of silence, then a clap was heard, and in seconds the whole class was applauding.

Kurt was sobbing uncontrollably while Mercedes tried to calm him down. Same with Tina, just that the one comforting her was Mike. Rachel and Quinn had some emotion tears too but nothing serious. Santana could swear she saw a tear in Puck´s chin.

Santana was crying with them too, and through her tears she saw Artie´s face was unreadable, 'priceless' she thought while smiling lightly.

-Santana, I´m sorry. We can be together, just forgive me- Brittany whispered only for her

Blue eyes were looking intensely at her, and just when the holder of her heart was about to wrap her arms around her she recovered her senses; she wouldn´t fall again.

-Don´t- a simple word that made everyone freeze.

Santana thanked God she had enough will to say it.

-I love you, but I can´t afford myself to crumble in your arms again. This time, I´ll hurt you like you hurt me; I´ll turn my back at you knowing you are hurting terribly, I´ll turn my back at you knowing that in reality you love me and only me, sorry Abrams.- Artie shrugged with tears in his eyes, sure as hell better than Stubbles McCripple-Pants - And finally, I will turn my back at you even though I know that Heartbreak of yours is killing you second my second. It´s your moment of picking up the pieces of your heart alone, if I could, you can- Santana said while resting her back in the door

-Oh, and if you are willing to come back to me, to beg for forgiveness, I´ll use all my will to fight the urge of making it easy for you. Don´t doubt my love for you, doubt my kindness, 'cause now I´m lacking it.- And with that she left a room of teary eyed, shocked teenagers (and an adult) behind just to run away to the only place she would be safe.

Her library.

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I hope it was decent enough for you to review :D

Sequel? Say it in a review.


	2. Secrets, Fights and Brakes

Hey guys :)

So... I got the inspiration for this kind of sequel, but it will have another chapter.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed and I hope you like it.

I recomend the song "Pieces" by Red for the first time, it's the song that inspired me for this fic.

A/N: I do not own any of the characters used in this story. The characters are from the Glee series owned by Ryan Murphy and co-creators.

* * *

_"Hi"_

Words.

_"Can we talk?"_

They haunt her.

_"I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club."_

Every time she opens her eyes.

_"Because it's made me do a lot of thinking."_

Every time she tries to sleep.

_"What I realized."_

Those words are there.

_"Is why I'm such a bitch all the time."_

Plaguing her mind.

_"I'm a bitch because I'm angry."_

Breaking her heart.

_"I'm angry because I have all of these feelings"_

Taking every ounce of will she has left.

_"I have all these feelings..."_

It's just a cycle.

_"Feelings for you."_

A cycle of pain, memories and more pain.

_"That I am afraid of dealing with because..._

A cycle that repeats itself over and over again.

___"__I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences"_

It doesn't stop.

_"I want to be with you."_

It won't stop.

_"But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks."_

It wants her dead.

_"Still I have to accept..."_

And she knows.

_"That I love you."_

Someday.

_"I don't want to be with_ _Sam"_

Not so far away.

_"Or_ _Finn."_

It will indeed kill her.

_"Or any of those other guys."_

The looks.

_"I just want you."_

The whispers.

_"Please say you love me back."_

The vibes.

_"Please."_

She knows they exist.

_"Artie?"_

She hears them.

_"Yes, you can!"_

She feels them.

_"He's just a stupid boy!"_

She's weak.

_"Get off me!"_

She's lost.

_"She's beautiful."_

She's gone.

_"She's innocent."_

And maybe.

_"She's everything that's good in this miserable stinking world."_

She's gone forever.

* * *

Santana can't concentrate anymore.

Not even singing in Glee club or reading her favorite author helps to ease the pain.

And even if she did stop hurting, even if the wound became a scar, it would be a reminder of everything.

The memories would still be there.

Haunting her.

Hurting her.

Killing her.

The same way she feels right now.

She's broken.

And she knows she's too broken for someone to ever fix her.

Well, for someone who isn't _her_ to fix her.

* * *

_"Maybe, it's the end."_ she thinks bitterly as she heads to History class, the last of the day and the one where she can escape from all her friends; not even Brittany takes the same class.

Suddenly, she's pushed to the lockers by Dave Karofsky. All the football team surrounds her and she feels herself sinking. Azimio drops her books and kicks them far away.

-Hey there, bookworm. Recently, it has became difficult to decide which nickname use, you know? Dyke, Lezzie, Sandbags, Nerdy, Homo... There are many, don't you think?- Venom comes out from Karofsky's mouth and Santana feels a tear coming down her cheek

Yes, here two secrets are widely known. The first one because Jacob Ben Israel overheard her conversation with Brittany and made it public to the school. The second one because she couldn't bring herself to lie anymore about her favorite hobby.

-Oh, wait, we made the Homo cry. We are making a favor to this school, don't you think? Let's stop this _sickness _from attacking everyone- Dave spits out with fear masquerade with anger

She knows he's gay and that he's doing this because he's afraid of what he feels.

-Dave- she mutters weakly and she feels all the stares; the hall is packed now and she knows the Glee Club wants to stop this, but if they tried, there would be hell to pay and they know that.

-You shouldn't be afraid you know? Supposedly you are a manly manly man but you can't bring yourself to accept the fact that you are- Santana can't finish her sentence because Dave throws a slushie at her, followed by the whole football team.

Grape. It burns her eyes and destroys what was left of her self-steem.

She opens her eyes even though it hurts like hell and wipes her mouth as well.

-Let me break it for you. You. Are. Gay. Dave. And if you don't accept it... I can't do anything for you. I learned it the hard way, the time that you waste hating your self, or what you feel or who you like will never be back; I wasted too much time hating who I really am, just to realize I'll never be able to change myself. So, just accept it Dave, embrace who you are and love who you _really_ love. Not some girl, because that would only be a beard. Love who you want to love and be free to chose who you like.- Santana says with enough confidence to silence the whole hall.

Dave takes a step forward and looks intently in Santana's eyes; with a swift blow in the stomach she falls down.

Gasps are heard as she stands up and smirks; finally her HBIC smirk appeared and she feels the whole hall freeze.

She turns around and sees the whole Glee Club staring intently at her. The boys look like they are about to kill Karofsky, Finn and Rachel are wrapped in each other arms as Finn tries to calm Rachel, Quinn is doing the same with Brittany.

Blue eyes lock with Brown with a silent conversation between the two.

She shakes her head and clears her mind.

If she puched him back, she's sure a fight would begin and her friends would get involved; that would mean, Puck being suspended and the others would get hurt.

So, she just walks away after spitting blood in Dave's shoes, knowing that tomorrow, there would be hell to pay.

There's no point in attending to class or attending to Glee.

As she calmly heads towards the exit, Mr. Schue heads towards her.

-Mr. Schue, I wanted to tell you I won't stay in Glee Club today- she states as she continues her way

She doesn't let her teacher to answer as she runs towards the parking lot.

As soon as she turns her car on she presses the gas fully.

She has discovered her new obsession.

Adrenaline.

She doesn't know where she's going, she just knows she won't stop.

She's already in the Highway when she realizes she is going 70 mph.

-Shit- she mutters as she tries to stop but her brakes are broken.

Her speed is growing second by second and she can't stop.

80, 90, 100... She knows what will happen.

She sinks what happened today in her memory, promising herself she'll remember even if she dies.

In a flash, a car appears out of nowhere.

It's a van, fully packed with what she thinks is a family with kids and all.

She knows what she must do, she knows what she'll do.

She steers the wheel hashly and barely misses the van.

A sigh of relief leaves her lips, but she stops breathing when she realizes she's heading to a curve.

She breathes deeply one more time and closes her eyes; some moments of her life flash by as her car literally flies for some seconds and then dives fully.

The car rolls down the rocks and comes to a stop just as quickly as it fell.

She looks down just to see a bleeding wound in her abdomen and quickly closes her eyes, she can't look at it any longer.

She feels someone pulling her out of the car and putting her in a stretcher.

Her life flashes again, but this time, there's Brittany.

When she opens her eyes again they are sedating her already.

A sudden pain in her heart make her gasp.

-We are losing her, We are losing her!- a nurse shouts and she can't help but smile

_"I was right, it's the end" _

Now, her body is broken, just like her heart.

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U like? U no like? Just review :)


	3. Fix What Is Broken

So... The last chapter of this story.

Aren't you exited? Well... I am!

Thanks to gleehasruinedmylifeeimhooked and to LochNessie17 for addding it to favorites.

Thanks to gleehasruinedmylifeeimhooked for subscribing.

On with the end...

* * *

_Crash._

"There's a pulse!" the doctor yells before he instructs them to take to the ER

_Crash._

The memory is palpitating as wildly as her heart, obviously vivid enough to be lived again ang again and again.

_Burn._

Mainly, she just feels physical pain, but there's something more in there.

_Let it all_ burn.

The emotional part is the one she always has problem with, and this time is not an exception.

_Do you really want?_

What if it's all a dream?

_Do you really want me?_

What if she is really dead?

_Do you really want me dead or alive to torture me for my sins?_

What if she's in hell?

_Do you really want?_

What if she doesn't make it?

_Do you really want me?_

What if she doesn't see her again?

_Do you really want me dead or alive to live a lie?_

What if she does make make it, but she's not loved back?

* * *

The soft beeping wakes her up, she opens her eyes slowly and blinks a few times.

She tries to sit up, but winces in pain and she feels a great pain in her abdomen and her heart she clutches both of them lightly.

There are stitches across her stomach and scars and bruises across the rest of her body.

As she whimpers again a nurse comes in and makes a quick check-up.

"There's some people who want to talk to you, is it ok?"

Santana nods quickly and awaits her visitors.

Almost immeadiately, there's a sight of blonde opening the door.

_Brittany._

In seconds, she's hugging her tightly but carefully due to her condition.

Soon enough, everyone of the Glee Club (except Artie) enters the room and greet her.

Suddenly, Brittany presses their lips together.

She's weak, because she lets her take control and freely grab the back of her neck.

Puck wolwhistles and bumps his fist against Finn, earning a slap in the back of the head from Mrs. Holliday.

Rachel and Quinn just stare at each other while blushing and the rest of the Club just smiles.

"About time!" She hears Puck say but she's too busy kissing Brittany to answer

They part when Mr. Schue coffs.

She notices Puck's little friend showing a little and the two tomatoes that once were Rachel and Quinn.

"I guess we'll leave Santana; we'll visit you tomorrow, so you can sort things with Brittany" Mr. Schue announces and Puck grunts

"Damn, just when it was getting interesting..."

Another slap and they are out of the room.

"So..."

Just before Santana can finish the sentence, the door opens once again.

"You are so gonna get laid tonight."

"That's enough Puckerman!" Quinn yells as she drags him down the hall by the ear

Brittany giggles softly and Santana blushes even though it isn't really noticeable.

"So?" Brittany inquires

"I... This. Us. It isn't fixed. At all." Santana forces the words out of her mouth even though they hurt too much

"I know, silly, but we can fix it, can't we?"

Santana smiles brightly and pecks Brittany's lips quickly.

"Yeah, after all, you must fix what is broken."

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Good? Bad? Say in a review :)


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